Today is beautiful in Bordeaux. Like a summer’s day. We went out for my daily exercise. We lunch at this crazy place that only has one thing on the menu. It was some type of roasted beef with unbeleubable sauce and french fries. That’s it. People line up to get in. It’s open 12-2 and &7-10pm. It was really good. They laughed at me when I asked for ketchup! Then we ook the train up one stop to have a cappicino at a cafe in front of thid famous place called Hotel De Ville. It looks like a castle! Now we are back and I rest until tomorrow’s exercise/lunch.

ODE TO ERIN….I hate packing!!!!!! Erin came over before we left and helped me decide what to bring. She’s an avid world traveler and knows just what to expect under any condition. I even have outfits that work well with my back brace. Please contact her if you plan to travel abroad in the near future

I spoke with Erin on Skype yesterday, she asked if I had been drinking the cappuccinos at the cafes. “Why, no I haven’t,” I replied. I’ve been ordering ‘un cafe’ which means one shot of expresso in a small dainty cup. Per our conversation, I decided to try a cappuccino here, reluctantly, because I don’t care for them back in the states. Cheers to Erin. She came through for me again. Cappuccinotastico!

PS – I’m in less pain than I was when I left the hospital and I’m gaining some flexibility each day.

Today is Sunday June 8th just under a week since my surgery. I’ve been struggling today about whether or not this surgery was a sucsses. I am in so much constant pain. Sitting is the worse. Of course I want to be better. It hit me today that I want to be healed for everyone else too. So much time, money, love, and energy was put in to this. Honestly, the thought of coming home and not being as well as I thought I would be makes feel like I want to hide a bit from all the questions that will come. I want to be able say with everything in me that I’m fixed, there’s no more pain, and my strength is back. I am still hopeful knowing that I am being given strength day by day whether I’m in pain or not.

My quandry is that both my doctors here and at home said that I would feel less pain after the surgery. That was the big excitement about this surgery because the pain would go away relatively quickly. It’s hard to be in a place where you are trusting for healing but being emmersed in pain I never felt before.

Jere and I have been on-line to see blogs from people who have had this surgery. It seemed that all of them shared the surgery was mostly successful. I guess my understnading based on what I was told didn’t allow “mostly successful” over time.

This one guy said he was two years out from the surgery and his “walking a little more every day.”
He said that he takes minimal pain pills…..Okay this freaks me out-nowhere in my mind did I think I would getting better 2 years later…He still takes minimal pain killers. What? That seems like long time for healing. I imagined my self running around and palying with my kids and no pain. I imagined come home really strong.

Both my doctors assuerd me I wouldn’t have more pain even if the surgery is not successful. I realize that healing takes place over time (Jere, keeps reminding me of that) I just didn’t ever imagine what I’m feeling right now. Soooo, I’m remaining hopeful by letting go of fear of failure. I’m sharing my emotions with Jere and praying. I’m challenging myself to stay in the moment and not look ahead to much.

I’m going to e-mail both docs today and share what I’m experincing in terms of pain. I have a feeling they will say, It’s okay, it’s normal. I want to believe them sooo bad. I mean how does anyone REALLY know if the surgery was a success with all the pain I’m having? I guess I’ll need to let go of that line of thinking too! Man I really try to be in control of my own life. Living by my expectations. At this moment I’m deciding to submit my “expections” and trust him with my life.

Please pray that I remain hopeful and will submit my will to God.

It feels great to talk with you. It makes it feel that we are not so far away from home:) I’m on my way outside to walk around the circle drive of the hotel. I’m supposed to keep moving a little more each day. It literally is one small step at a time. So I’m working at it!
love you all, sarah

what she said.

Lots of questions about Jere’s last blog entry. I’ve been encouraging to expand. He may or may not. I can say that from my perspective here’s what happened on Friday evening

….It was dark in the room. We were setting up the bed for me to go down for the night. As I stood hunched over the end of the bed feeling some of the most intense pain of my life…well maybe= to childbirth. The weight of the world fell upon me and I started try sob quietly at first. Jeremy came to my side lo lift me into his hug. And then like a title wave the sobs grew and grew and grew until I could no longer stand up. The pain was unbearable. I was so overwhelmed about the pain..in that brought out so many years of pain and suffering I’ve been through. The thought came to me…You will never get better. I started yelling…”THis can’t be happening. I can’t go home in pain. I need to be a new mom. How could I look at Elliot and tell him that my back was not better.” I felt liked I cried out the ocean. Jeremy held me in his arms and wept with me. The walls we’ve had up just trying to push through life as parents, workers, providers, and disabled people. (many of you may not know but Jere has back problems too-He has one bulging disc).

I often felt sad about lack of connection over time but didn’t have a clue how to reconnect again. Jeremy and I began to call upon God for his mercy, grace, vision, faith, and peace. At first I thought we were just letting our emotions out about my back but then more came to the surface. What has taken us off our path of having a real relationship. Well, I can speak for myself and say that I had put up walls of mistrust, judgement, anger, and disappointed that I was not experiencing the life I wanted to live and that Jere was one person besides myself, and my pain, that I blamed.

Well-What does this have to do with France?? It’s all coming together now…
In the time Jere and I cried together and held together all of the walls between us seemed to melt down. All the blame and insecurities were gone. I think that was part of what Jere said about “We were tore up from the floor up!” All the parallels of my struggle with back pain which sort of melted into my struggles in other parts of my life…sorry to sound so cheesy but “All of it felt like it was being washed away! Man that’s rad!!!! I then realized I now was crying out of Joy that I felt alive. In the moment. Present and at peace.

It was powerful!!! It was an awesome experience. Jere confirmed to me over and over that he knew the truth that this healing was just the beginning. While it may be a slower processed than I had dreamed it is still God’s will to heal me. Jeremy and so many of you are believing that for me when I start to fear. I believe that again!

That night after all the waterworks Jesus said into my heart again..”Surrender your life to me and you will experience more freedom that you could have ever imagined.” Even crazier …. I believed him! (crazy because I struggle with my faith a lot) Why- Because God answered hundreds of prayers that have already been spoken for healing and freedom. Laying in a hospital far from home. Just me and Jere. I laid there in complete peace and inner strength. That was something I could not have conjured up on my own. You see, when we allow God to revealed to us how he sees us and his crazy love for us we let down our guard and see each other through pure hearts. I think this what contemplating Jeremy was referring to when he said who we are was opened up Friday night.

I’m not sure if there are people on this blog list that either don’t know Jesus as a personal friend and savior or feel you are just sort of numb inside…I can’t let this moment go by without sharing that finding God isn’t some mythical or mystical thing. It doesn’t have to happen in a church. He wants a personal relationship with each one of us where we can be completely with no shame. We don’t have to “do the right deeds” to get his love. He just wants us to trust him that he is truth and freedom and through him you can live a life of peace in any circumstance! You can give up anything that weighs you down and GOd will take it. He can make anything new. This why I’n nuts about my God! There is nothing we can do to earn our place in “God’s Kingdom.” He already died for us so that in all things we are already forgiven. The story of my life is a testimony of how God came take the worst of situation where I feet there was no way…God made a way!. Go somewhere. get quiet. and call to him. he will here you. He will love you no matter what you have to say. and he will meet you right where you are!!!!!!! I am proof of this relationship with my father God. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

It is very vulnerable and nerve racking to share this kind of realness to so many who read…My purpose..or I should say God’s purpose it to use what struggles I’ve faced and share with others. Why…by me sharing my story with others I can encourage others with the amazing news that there is so much healing, joy, peacefulness and freedom in knowing Jesus as your closest friend and savior.

Today is Sat afternoon (7 your time) Jere and I spent the entire day reading, being quiet, talking and thinking about the other evening that I’ve just shared about.

My back and stomach pain still very present but mind and spirituality at peace and hopefulness. The doctor assured us that the pain I’m experiencing may be for awhile because of the severity of my old disc. My body is using muscles it doesn’t want to use! He said that my body would adapt in time. He also said that my incision should heal in 15 days. Jere is so cute cleaning it and dressing it!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I know that God is turning this situation into good for me and for you.

love love and more love at the love fest
sarah AKA “The Maverick”

They really do.

Just when you settle in to feeling comfortable, you get shown who you really are.

We’re being tore up from the floor up, to quote my pastor.

Please note: Everything Sarah writes, is being spoken in a thick, fake, French accent. Often times, when asked questions, Sarah replies in Spanish for unknown reasons.

My days at the hospital have been exceedingly opposite of the norm. Between the loud sounds of construction and the helicopter that frequently lands on the roof, things get a bit loud. Mostly no phone, no TV, no internet.

Exciting things have been happening today. The doctor came in this morning and asked me to get dressed, because a journalist was coming to interview me about the surgery. So I did. I got dressed by myself. I was interviewed with the doctor translating. That was weird. If you’re in France, check channel 6 tonight.

Today, all the cords and machines have been removed. Jeremy and I have taken walks down to the elevators, then moseyed around downstairs. I’m in a lot of pain still, mostly in the back now, but I’m off the morphine and down to painkillers that aren’t knocking me out. Now I’m sitting up eating my French hospital lunch ( by the way, breakfast was 3 crackers and tea, huh?).

Lana, you would be excited to see my puffy, swollen, hot wrist where the IV has been.

It’s been interesting to me, that even though there were large amounts of time spent at the hospital alone (for some reason I keep waking at 4am and Jeremy doesn’t usually get here till 9:30ish) I haven’t felt alone or even ill at ease with the solitude. With so much pain, restlessness and lack of sleep, I kept saying to myself “I’m so alone” but, instead I kept hearing that “You are not alone, God’s spirit is here and the prayers of so many back home.” I remember thinking God was telling me, “I’m leading you beside still waters.” Repeating over and over to me…

While deep inside, I kept wanting to be rescued from the solitude, but I didn’t need to be rescued. The verse, “Be still and know that I am God,” has been very special to me in this time.

I kept mentioning to Jeremy that I was waiting for some sort of epiphany. The reason why I expected an epiphany is that what we’re doing feels so crazy and out of control, so opposite of what we know that I expected something huge to happen. I often come to new healing through lots of talking, praying and talking and talking. The wow factor for me is how few words have been spoken and how I still feel the Lord is my strength.

Thank you for your constant prayer, love and support.

Today, Sarah has been weaning off the pain meds.

It was great. She was awake and alert and conversational. She also practiced sitting up, and then she was able to get out of bed for a few minutes this morning. The doctor wants her up and moving more and more, so she’ll need to get out of bed several more times today and practice walking down the hall tomorrow.

She is scheduled to come out of the hospital on Friday or Saturday. She really turned a corner today.

We saw the doctor for a few minutes this morning. He seemed pleased with her progress and is encouraging her to sit up, stand up and walk as much as possible. He reinforced that the surgery went very well.

I’m taking a break from hospital sitting. I think I’ll take some clothes to the laundromat and drink some coke in the bottle.

Today was a bit of a rougher day. Sarah was in a lot of pain in her back and on her stomach where the incision is. They had her on a morphine drip, but somewhere, lost in translation, was the correct instructions on how to use it. She ended up taking a whole days worth of medicine in a few hours. That made her really sick, so she was throwing up all afternoon.

She was feeling a little better when I left her around 9 as she was drifting off to sleep. Because of the sickness and still a lot of pain, she wasn’t able to get out of bed today. We’re going to try to wean off the pain killers starting tomorrow, and get her up and moving. The doctor wants her moving rather quickly. Muscles that haven’t been getting used in years need to start doing their share.

She’s taller too. When I talked to the doctor today, he said her disc was almost completely flattened. The two vertebrae on either side were essentially rubbing together in places. Not good. Now, with the prosthetic, she’ll be about a 1/3″ to 1/2″ taller. It will keep the nerves in that area from getting squished and causing the shooting pains down her legs that she’s had for years.

All in all, it’s exciting. We’re hopeful that mobility will return quickly. Pray for Sarah’s spirits. Today was a rough day for her. Our kids are both doing great. I’m feeling kinda bored and lonely. Sarah has been mostly sleeping, and there’s nobody around that speaks english. Getting alot of reading done though…

Sally-
Not sure if there is a good time to call. Just try whenever. She goes right back to sleep. But we never really know when she’ll be up…so call and see if you get the loopy Sarah or the awake Sarah!

I made an edit to the phone number below:

Someone has gotten through by doing this from the US:
011 33 826 09 33 33
It may ask you for a code of some sort, if prompted (may be in french)
try this: 5529

If that doesn’t work, try this: 392433

If that just gets you through to the front desk, you can ask for Madame Scheller 7th floor, room 18…